When Mom and Dad Don’t Agree: Navigating Parenting Disagreements in Marriage
By jonny and amy claussen
After 30 years of marriage, raising eight children, and now enjoying six grandchildren, we’ve learned something that matters deeply in parenting:
Your kids don’t need perfect parents.
They need unified parents.
Disagreements are normal. Different perspectives are normal. But how you handle those differences will shape the culture and security of your home.
So what do you do when you don’t see eye to eye?
First: Don’t Undermine Each Other in the Moment
If your spouse is actively parenting—correcting, disciplining, or addressing something—resist the urge to jump in and correct them in front of your child.
That creates confusion. And kids are quick to sense division.
In most cases, let your spouse finish. Then, if needed, talk privately afterward.
Now, are there moments when you may need to pause everything and say, “Let’s step into the other room for a minute”? Yes. If things are escalating or heading somewhere concerning, a quick timeout for mom and dad is wise.
But the goal is this:
Handle disagreements privately. Present unity publicly.
Know the Difference: Style vs. Direction
Not all parenting differences are equal.
There’s a big difference between:
Different styles, and
Different directions
You might be more direct. Your spouse might be more tender. One of you may talk things through longer. The other may be concise and firm. That’s style.
There’s room for stylistic differences.
But if one of you believes something is okay and the other believes it clearly isn’t—that’s direction. That requires conversation.
Your children don’t need identical parents. They do need parents moving the same way.
Decide Your Family Culture Early
Many parenting disagreements happen because there was never a shared vision to begin with.
Even when your child is very young, it’s helpful to ask:
What do we do when there’s disobedience?
What are our non-negotiables?
What kind of tone do we want in our home?
What are our core values?
When you’ve already decided your family culture, many daily decisions become automatic. You already know what your spouse will say.
And that consistency builds security in your children.
As Kids Grow, So Do the Conversations
With toddlers, most challenges are predictable. Disobedience. Boundaries. Testing limits.
With teenagers? Not so predictable.
Older kids bring situations you didn’t pre-plan for. In those moments, it’s perfectly okay to say:
“We’ll talk about this and get back to you.”
Some of the worst parenting decisions happen when one parent assumes, “I’ve got this,” and doesn’t pause to bring in the other’s wisdom.
Most things can wait long enough for unity.
If It’s Not Two Yeses, It’s a No
We’ve learned a simple principle over the years:
If it’s not two yeses, it’s a no.
That doesn’t mean you’ll always find the perfect solution. It means you keep talking until you find one you can both stand behind.
Unity is more important than speed.
And waiting is okay.
Yielding Isn’t Losing
Sometimes your spouse sees something you don’t.
A father may recognize something in a son that a mother doesn’t immediately catch. A mother may discern something emotionally that a father misses.
There have been times one of us has said, “I don’t fully see it, but I trust you.”
That’s not taking a back seat. That’s choosing trust.
And once the decision is made, it becomes an “us” decision. No scorekeeping. No “I told you so.” No distancing yourself if things don’t go perfectly.
You move forward together.
When You Get It Wrong
And you will.
Parenting involves real hearts. Real kids. Real consequences.
When you make the wrong call, humility is powerful.
“I was wrong.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Will you forgive me?”
Those words shape your home more than you realize. Your children benefit from seeing that their parents are human—and that repentance and humility are normal.
Unity doesn’t mean you never fail. It means you stay connected even when you do.
Seek the Lord’s Way, Not Your Way
Often the real issue isn’t your way versus my way. It’s neither.
The better question is:
“What is the Lord’s way for our family?”
When you bring your spouse’s perspective before the Lord and ask Him to reveal what you’re missing, something shifts. Many times, disagreement lingers because there’s a third path neither of you has seen yet.
Inviting Him into the conversation softens hearts. Clarifies vision. Brings peace.
And that peace is worth waiting for.
Your Children Thrive on Unity
Children feel secure when:
Mom and Dad are on the same team.
Expectations are clear.
Consequences are predictable.
Conversations happen behind closed doors—not in front of them.
Yes, parenting will require many discussions.
Yes, it will take time and energy.
But these are lives entrusted to you.
There are no shortcuts to unified parenting. Only humility, communication, trust, and a shared commitment to move forward together.
And when you do, your children rest in the strength of that unity.