How Did You Know? Discerning the One God Has for You
As we step into a new year, there’s something about fresh beginnings that invites reflection. New seasons. New transitions. New questions. At Famology, we love creating space for the questions that live at the very center of everyday life—marriage, parenting, and family—because family is where culture is formed. We spend more time there than anywhere else. That makes your questions deeply important to us.
One question that comes up often, especially in seasons of dating and discernment, is this:
“How did you know your husband or wife was meant to be your husband or wife? If it was God, what did He say or how did He show you?”
It’s a great question—and a deeply personal one.
The Transition From Dating to Discernment
This question often comes right on the heels of conversations about dating. Dating is a transition season—a place where hope, excitement, fear, and healing can all overlap.
For Amy, that season came with complexity. Previous dating relationships had left wounds—not necessarily sexual, but emotional and spiritual. When you share pieces of your heart with someone, even in innocent ways, there can be attachments that need healing before you move forward in freedom.
Discerning “Is this the one?” required holding two truths at the same time:
This relationship feels incredibly right.
Past relationships have hurt me.
That tension is real for many people, and it’s where the Holy Spirit does some of His most beautiful healing work—restoring trust and helping us step forward in faith rather than fear.
Is There a Moment? Are There “Bells”?
People often ask if there’s a defining moment—a sign, a word, or even “bells ringing”—that confirms someone is the one.
For Jonny, there actually were bells of sorts. From the beginning, there was an ease. A joy. A sense that the relationship wasn’t heavy or forced—it was fun. And that matters more than we sometimes realize.
Joy is not optional.
It’s part of the Father’s nature.
If a relationship feels burdensome from the start—if it’s marked by constant conflict or emotional weight—it’s wise to pause. Dating should be characterized by delight. That doesn’t mean perfection, but it does mean enjoyment.
Watching Who They Really Are
One of the most practical tools in discerning a future spouse is observation.
Amy paid close attention to how Jonny interacted with others:
How did he treat his parents?
How did he speak about family members when they weren’t present?
Was he respectful, kind, and generous behind the scenes—not just in public?
Dating gives you the gift of seeing someone in their natural habitat. How they handle stress. Disappointment. Conflict. Mistakes. A flat tire. A bad day.
Character always shows up eventually.
And just as important—when mistakes happen, does the person take responsibility? Are they quick to repent? Or quick to defend themselves?
Those moments tell you far more than words ever could.
Peace, Excitement, and the Father’s Heart
Scripture tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord, and He will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4). That doesn’t simply mean God grants our wishes—it means He places desires within us that originate from Him.
If marriage is in your heart, it’s often because the Father put it there.
When you’re walking in step with His design, there is usually:
Peace – a settled sense that you’re not striving or forcing.
Excitement – not anxiety-driven adrenaline, but joyful anticipation.
Peace and excitement can coexist. If anxiety is present, it’s important to ask:
Is this fear from past wounds—or is it a caution from the Lord?
The Holy Spirit is faithful to clarify the difference.
And remember:
A caution doesn’t always mean “no.” Sometimes it simply means “wait.”
Don’t Discern Alone
God often speaks through community.
Parents. Trusted mentors. Friends who truly know and love you.
If the people closest to you express encouragement, that can be deeply affirming. If they express concern, don’t dismiss it outright—even if it’s hard to hear. Take it before the Lord and ask Him for clarity.
Their voices should inform your discernment, not replace it—but wisdom welcomes counsel.
Butterflies, Pizza, and God’s Design
Sometimes discernment looks spiritual. Sometimes it looks very human.
Jonny still remembers the day he met Amy—and the pizza he couldn’t eat afterward because his insides were doing somersaults. Butterflies aren’t the foundation of marriage, but they’re often part of the beginning.
And yes—those sparks can be a gift from God.
Marriage isn’t about finding someone who completes you or fulfills every need. Only God does that. Marriage is about walking alongside someone He’s chosen to run with you—to build, serve, and love together.
A Final Blessing
If you’re longing for a spouse, know this:
You are deeply loved by a Father who delights in leading His children.
He is good at making paths clear.
He is faithful in timing.
And He is deeply invested in love—because love is the hallmark of His Kingdom.
May He guide your steps, heal your heart, and lead you with both peace and joy as you discern the path ahead.