How to Define Your Family Identity: Three Foundational Questions Every Family Should Ask
In a world that constantly pressures families to conform, one of the most powerful—and often overlooked—things you can do is intentionally define your family identity.
On a recent episode of FAMology, Jon and Amy Claussen explored a thoughtful listener question:
“What are some keys that are essential to carving out or defining your family identity?”
What followed was a rich conversation about family culture, generational legacy, faith, and intentional living. At its core, defining your family identity isn’t about copying what other families are doing—it’s about discovering what God has uniquely entrusted to your family.
Family Identity Is Family Culture
Family identity is often another way of saying family culture. Culture, by definition, is “the sum total of ways of living passed down from generation to generation.” In other words, whether we realize it or not, every family is already creating culture.
The question isn’t if you have a family culture—it’s whether you’re being intentional about it.
Jon and Amy suggest that one of the best ways to begin is by asking three simple but profound questions.
1. What Do You Want to Pass On to the Next Generation?
Many parents don’t think about family culture until their kids are already teenagers—and that’s okay. Whether your children are toddlers or grown, this question is always relevant.
Ask yourself:
What do I want my children to carry into adulthood?
What do I hope they’ll pass on to their children and grandchildren?
What values, beliefs, and practices truly matter to us?
For Jon and Amy, the answer starts with faith—not religion, but a living, breathing relationship with God. Their desire isn’t to pass down a set of rules, but a real experience of the Kingdom of God: walking with Him, knowing His voice, and actively participating in what He’s doing on the earth.
And just as important as what you pass on is how you pass it on.
Amy emphasized the importance of attaching joy to the things you want your children to inherit. Joy makes values light, contagious, and inviting. Legalism, on the other hand, makes even good things feel heavy and obligatory.
A helpful prayer for parents:
“Holy Spirit, how do we attach joy to the things we want to pass on so our children receive them as a delight, not a burden?”
2. What Has Your Family Been Gifted In?
Every family carries unique gifts—often stretching back generations. These gifts may be obvious, like music, sports, teaching, or leadership. Others are quieter but just as powerful, such as generosity, hospitality, prayer, or service.
Amy shared a meaningful example: discovering a silly poem written by her husband’s great-great-great aunt from the early 1900s. The humor, creativity, and playfulness reflected in that poem was the same spirit their family expresses today. What felt like a simple tradition was actually a generational thread.
Jon pointed out that we often recognize this instinctively:
“They’re such a musical family.”
“They’re such a generous family.”
“They’re really passionate about serving others.”
These are cultural markers.
Rather than dismissing generational gifts, Scripture and the Kingdom of God actually celebrate generational momentum. What previous generations built becomes a foundation—not a shortcut—for the next.
As Jon said, “Their ceiling becomes his floor.”
There’s no need to apologize for what’s been entrusted to you. Instead, the invitation is to steward it well and intentionally pass it on.
3. What Is God Teaching Your Family Right Now?
Family identity isn’t only shaped by the past—it’s also shaped by what God is currently doing.
Amy encouraged families to create space for everyday, organic conversations:
“What has God been talking to you about lately?”
“What is He stirring in your heart right now?”
These moments—often happening in kitchens, car rides, or quiet evenings—help families recognize themes God is highlighting. Over time, patterns emerge. You begin to see not just individual callings, but a shared direction—a sense of who your family is becoming together.
God’s revelation often flows generationally. What He showed parents years ago may resurface with fresh clarity in their children. Recognizing this connection helps families stop seeing themselves as isolated individuals and start seeing themselves as a tribe moving forward together.
Your Family Doesn’t Need to Look Like Anyone Else’s
One of the most freeing truths from this conversation is this:
Your family identity is not meant to be copied.
Jon and Amy shared an exercise they’ve used with families—creating a family crest. Each family fills a shield with words, images, and symbols that represent what they value. The result is always the same: no two look alike.
And that’s the point.
Families often get stuck when they try to imitate other families—signing kids up for activities out of pressure, comparison, or guilt rather than calling. Identity gets “smooshed out” by conformity.
Instead, defining your family identity means asking:
How do we actually spend our time?
Does that reflect what we say we value?
What might God be inviting us to simplify, adjust, or focus on?
Because whether we like it or not, how we spend our time defines our culture.
A Closing Encouragement
Family matters deeply to God. He designed it as the scaffolding upon which His Kingdom would be built on the earth.
You don’t need to change the whole world. You only need to faithfully steward what He’s entrusted to your family.
When you begin to live from that place—clear, rooted, and intentional—time slows down, moments deepen, and family life becomes less about keeping up and more about walking in purpose.
And that is a beautiful thing.