Reconnecting When Parenting Feels All-Consuming

Busy vs. Full: A Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

We say this often: “Busy is a four-letter word.”

Not because full lives are bad—but because busyness for the sake of busyness slowly erodes what matters most. When you’re intentional about what the Lord has called you to, life may still be full—but it’s purposeful, not frantic.

The truth is, we all live within the same 24-hour constraints. No one gets extra time. Learning how to flourish inside those boundaries—rest, sleep, connection, responsibility—is part of living wisely.

And this question about reconnecting? It may sound simple, but we believe it’s one of the most critical questions families face today.

Why Marriage Still Comes First (Even When Kids Are Little)

Our culture has quietly—but powerfully—shifted priorities. Marriage has been minimized, while parenting, friendships, and activities have been maximized.

But biblically and practically, marriage is the primary relationship. Everything else flows from the health of that union.

The most important thing you can do for your children is strengthen your marriage.

That doesn’t mean kids don’t matter. It means they flourish best when mom and dad are anchored, connected, and secure with one another. If life is so busy that spouses can’t connect, something is off—and it needs to be addressed.

A Confession From the Early Parenting Years

Amy here.

When I was a young mom—our oldest is now 29—there were seasons when I believed Jonny could “take a back seat” because he was a grown-up and the kids were needy. And yes, sometimes parenting requires sacrifice.

But if that mindset becomes permanent—if husbands only get leftovers for 20 years—statistics and real life show us the result: erosion. Not because of one big failure, but because relationships require consistent, intentional investment from both people.

Mindset matters.

Kids Actually Want You to Be in Love

We recently returned from a Caribbean cruise (hence Jonny’s tan). While walking down a hallway, one of our sons said something that stopped us in our tracks:

“Thank you for being so in love with each other. That’s pretty rare these days.”

He’d been listening to conversations from other teenagers—kids who didn’t have that security at home.

That moment reminded us: our kids feel safest when they know our marriage is solid. Even when they roll their eyes at public affection or teasing glances, it anchors them. They know what’s waiting for them tomorrow—and long into the future.

Practical Ways We Stayed Connected (Even With a Full House)

We had eight children. Life was loud, busy, and often chaotic. Connection didn’t happen by accident—it happened by choice.

Here are a few things we did:

• Date nights at home.
  When we were young and broke, bedtime meant our time. Catawba Juice, appetizers, a movie, and uninterrupted conversation.

• Visible priorities.
  Sometimes we’d announce, “Mom and Dad are going out to the porch to talk. Please don’t interrupt unless there’s a fire or someone is bleeding.”

• Let kids see connection.
  Holding hands. A quick kiss. Choosing each other publicly. Eye rolls aside, kids need to see it.

This isn’t an either/or. Loving your spouse well actually equips you to love your kids better.

Time Isn’t the Issue—Priorities Are

We’re all busy—but we can also be busy wasting time.

If there’s time to scroll, organize closets, or fill space with “productive distractions,” there’s time for a meaningful conversation. Often, the Lord invites us to choose the harder, better thing—connection—over easier fillers.

Reconnection doesn’t require a Caribbean cruise. Sometimes it’s just an honest, uninterrupted hour.

A Hard but Loving Evaluation

This is the tough-love part.

If activities—sports, commitments, even good things—are consuming your family to the point of exhaustion and disconnection, it’s time to reevaluate.

Not every opportunity is worth the cost.

We love sports. We love community. But when they consume the emotional and relational bandwidth of a family, something has to shift. Healthy families require margin.

A Final Story About Rest (Amy)

Years ago, with seven kids, we took a road-trip vacation that felt like anything but rest. Laundry, meals, stress, homeschooling on the road—it was overwhelming. I was exhausted and bitter, longing for physical rest.

That’s when the Lord began teaching me something life-changing:

Rest isn’t a place. It’s a posture in Him.

He was inviting me into His rest in the middle of fullness. Not an escape from responsibility, but peace within it. That invitation still stands—for busy moms, busy dads, full families.

When we step into His rest, relationships flourish. Emotions realign. Anxiety loosens its grip.

A Blessing for Your Marriage

We pray that as you evaluate your schedules, your priorities, and your hearts, the Holy Spirit would guide you into alignment—into connection, health, and rest.

May your marriage be strengthened.
May your home be secure.
And may you learn to walk in His peace—even in the busiest seasons.

If you’d like to submit a question for a future episode or learn more about our marriage retreats, visit gofam.org or click the link below.

We’re grateful you’re here.