How to Help Your Kids Navigate Gender and Sexual Identity Issues

This is one of the most important and sensitive topics facing families today. It’s also one of the most pervasive—our kids encounter messages about gender and sexuality everywhere. TV commercials, classroom conversations, social media, friend groups, entertainment… it’s woven into the cultural landscape. Because of that, one of the key principles we live by is this:

If you don’t talk about it, someone else will.

Parents must be the first voice their children hear—not the second, not the third. When we wait too long, we leave our kids unprepared and confused, trying to sort through a cultural narrative that often contradicts God’s design.

For families with children in public school, these conversations need to happen even earlier. The exposure begins young, and your kids need tools long before they can fully articulate what they’re seeing and hearing. For us, because we homeschool, we could begin around age 10–12. But the principle remains the same: be proactive, not reactive.

We often call this a “preemptive strike”—getting ahead of the world’s message so your kids know truth, understand God’s heart, and can process culture through a biblical lens.

And as you begin, there’s a foundational truth we believe every family needs to establish:

Honor does not mean agreement.

This phrase is worth memorizing, discussing, and living. If we want our children to influence culture—not be shaped by it—they must learn how to honor people even when they disagree. Much of our cultural breakdown comes from losing the ability to disagree without attacking, mocking, or dehumanizing one another. Kingdom families are called to rise above that.

We want our children to be filled with truth and compassion, conviction and love.

Scripture is clear: God created humanity male and female. That’s the foundation. But Scripture is also clear about how God calls us to treat people who are hurting, confused, or struggling—with compassion. Jesus modeled this perfectly. He stepped into messy places. He met people in their brokenness—not to affirm it, but to heal it. The heart of Jesus never wavered from truth, but it was always rooted in love.

If the result of our teaching is that our children feel disgust toward people struggling with identity, we’ve missed the heart of God. But if the result is compassion—genuine, courageous compassion—then we’re on the right track.

Identity issues, including gender and sexual identity, don’t arise in a vacuum. They are almost always connected to pain, trauma, confusion, or unmet emotional needs. Telling someone, “This is just your new normal,” isn’t compassion. True compassion acknowledges the pain behind behaviors and invites healing and truth.

And while we are teaching our kids, we also need to check our own hearts. Children hear the tone beneath our words. They pick up on disgust. They sense compassion. They mirror what we model.

Part of shepherding their hearts is asking good questions:
What have you heard?
What are your friends saying?
What do you think?
What do you wonder about?

Invite them into conversation. Create space for questions. Keep the dialogue open.

And when you hear mockery or stereotyping, address it immediately. Mockery has no place in the kingdom of God. It devalues people Jesus loves and distances our children from the heart of compassion.

Some parents fear that if they show kindness to someone struggling with gender or sexual identity, it will look like they’re endorsing sin. But Jesus wasn’t concerned about that, and we shouldn’t be either. He spent time with people others avoided—even when religious leaders misunderstood His motives. His compassion never compromised His message; it strengthened it.

So how do you handle the gender and identity conversation with your kids?

You lead.
You speak first.
You speak clearly.
You speak compassionately.
You anchor them in Scripture.
You prepare them for the narratives they’ll hear.
And you remind them that feelings are not identity; God is.

Our prayer for you today is that God fills you with both wisdom and courageous compassion as you guide your children and shape the culture inside your home. You carry the mind of Christ, and the Holy Spirit promises to lead you in truth—even when conversations feel difficult or overwhelming.

We’re cheering you on.
We’re praying for you.
And we’re grateful to walk this journey with you.